Bad people and Difficult people at the top
By Ganesh Chella
Whenever I am conducting a workshop on coaching and mentoring skills for leaders within organisations, I am almost always asked this difficult question. It is almost like an objection that is posed to a salesman making a sales call: “All that you are saying is fine, but then, my boss is not at all coaching oriented or people oriented. In fact, he is the very opposite. He does not stand for any of the values that you are talking about? Are you going to be training him? How do I get myself to practice all this when my everyday experience is to the contrary?”
Like a salesman who learns to handle sales objections, I have over the years learnt to answer this question with candour and conviction. However, I am always left with this honest confession in my heart: It must be very hard for someone to demonstrate empathy, interest in others, show concern for their well being and foster their development when one receives the exact opposite from people they look up to.
What indeed is the truth about bad people at the top? And how can a leader or manager embrace and demonstrate a positive style despite not being a recipient of the same?
I would like to draw a distinction between difficult people and bad people at the top.
(I am attaching a technical rather than dictionary meaning to the words Difficult and Bad)
Difficult people in my view are people for whom all or some dimensions of their emotional intelligence may not be well developed. In a large number of cases, poor emotional regulation is what causes most distress to the people that work for them. They tend to lose their temper and say things that might hurt others. Some might fail to empathise, might have difficulty in building and maintaining relationships or might be unappreciative.
However, at their core, they have good intentions, want to be good spouses, a good parent, a good boss and so on. After every episode of dysfunctional behaviour they might show remorse. They are also open to feedback and receiving help.
sychological literature is full of descriptions and insights into personality traits, character orientations and behaviours of people that I call Bad. Sigmund Freud identified three such personality types: erotic, obsessive, and narcissistic.Eric Fromm came up with four different character orientations: receptive orientation, exploitative orientation, hoarding orientation, and marketing orientation.Psychologists have also come to describe the three common undesirable personality traits as ‘The Dark Triad’: Narcissism, Machiavellianism, and Psychopathic.
Michael Maccoby who was trained by Eric Fromm and recognised globally for his expertise on leadership has dealt with some of these very same dysfunctionalities in his book The Productive Narcissist: The Promise and Peril of Visionary Leadership.
These personality traits and descriptions collectively represent a comprehensive universe of what I call Bad.
In my view and experience, Bad people have little or no regard for other’s feelings or thoughts.