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Don’t treat others how you want to be treated!

By | David Klaasen | Helping You Create Clarity, Inspire Your People & Drive Performance | Retain your best people | Changing Management Mindsets and Behaviour | Practical Behaviour Analytics

Why do some of your managers or staff seem to ask you lots of questions and seek your feedback even when you know that they know the answer? And why is it that other members of your team seem to resent you telling them anything, feel patronised when you give them a pat on the back and seem impervious to feedback?

It’s very easy to fall into the trap of ‘treating people as you want to be treated’ because we had it drummed into us throughout our lives. On one level it makes sense, but it is interesting to note that the original context of this message is about not causing physical, mental or emotional harm. No one should do that.

However, when it comes to communication, the latest thinking from applied psychology and neuroscience is to treat everyone according to their motivational patterns and preferences. There is no one who is exactly like you. We all have our own unique experience of life that gives us our particular set of idiosyncrasies and our own particular motivational preferences. If our motivational preferences are not met we feel it at the deepest levels and it can have a dramatic impact on our performance and sense of fulfilment.

The trouble with these motivational preferences is that they operate at a below-conscious level.

One of our clients Annie (not her real name) was confused by the fact that Jack (not his real name), always wanted to check with her even though he was one of the more competent members of the team! In fact, Jack’s performance was beginning to suffer and it was becoming rather frustrating. On the other hand, another member of Annie’s team (let’s call her Jill) was frequently marching off in the wrong direction certain that she was on the right track and needed to be constantly reined in.

Jack enjoys bouncing ideas around and values input before making a decision. He is motivated by the opportunity to involve others. He will be open to ideas and suggestions because he feels that two minds are better than one. However, his approach comes with some doubt about whether his ideas or plans are the best ones. He remains somewhat uncertain of his own competence and likes to check with others. He also needs plenty of feedback in order to stay motivated. Without it, he feels undervalued and unappreciated.

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