Source | LinkedIn : By Kathy Caprino
Part of Kathy Caprino’s series “Braving Up To Build Your Best Life”
As I enter my second decade of helping people build happier lives and livelihoods, I continually see that our professional successes and failures, and our crushed hopes, have everything to do with what we believe about ourselves internally, and how we’ve come to operate in the world and navigate through our challenges.
People tend to see outer circumstances beyond their control as the culprit for their dissatisfaction and disappointment in life and work, thwarting them at every turn. But in reality, it’s our inner experience that drives our outer one. My research has shown that when people are not sufficiently clear (about who they are and what they are capable of), or confident and courageous enough, they fail at achieving their dreams and goals, and let themselves down on a daily basis.
Below are the eight most damaging ways people fail themselves every day:
You don’t speak up for yourself.
The vast majority of people who are deeply dissatisfied with their lives, work and relationships suffer from one core challenge: an inability to speak up authoritatively and clearly for what they want and what they deserve.
In my work with adult children of narcissists, for instance, what’s emerged is a powerful trend around their not being able to make sense of or evaluate rationally what they want, or take a bold stand on it. But this challenge isn’t reserved only for those who’ve experienced narcissism growing up; it’s also apparent in thousands of women and men around the world who feel guilty or selfish (or unworthy) if they think about pursuing what they want most deeply.
Tip: Commit today to having the one most important conversation in your life that is begging to be had, that will pave the way for asking for what you want and deserve, and getting it.
You don’t take the time to understand what you’re feeling or what you want.
Life is grueling for many today, with zero time to unplug, relax, and be quiet and calm within ourselves. We’re running, chasing, and striving, without giving ourselves the chance to just be. Sadly, when we stop being alone and quiet with ourselves, when we’ve neglected building a relationship with the most important person in our life (ourselves), and when we don’t take the essential time to shut out all the chatter, noise and competition of today’s hyper-connected world, we lose our ability to hear the stirrings of our soul, and the our deepest longings for our lives.